she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
