So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
