mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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