it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize