omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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