Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
