Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
