What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
