Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
