just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
