I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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