That's intense
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize