Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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