yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
