Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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