Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
