I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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