just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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