oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
