I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
