how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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