You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
