We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
