i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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