It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
