I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
