I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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