erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
