FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
