You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
