Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
