i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
