I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I could fuck to npr.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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