Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
