If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize