biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
My liver just had a heart attack.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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