Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
