You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
