Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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