I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
