dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize