My liver just broke up with me...
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
