He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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