I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
id be glad to
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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