Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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