Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
