If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
