please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
