It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
