My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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