Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize