Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
