I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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