:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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