I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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