We won't sleep together?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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