Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
