census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
