Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
