that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
