You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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