I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize