We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
