I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
