i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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