Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
