i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
