Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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