she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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