So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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