i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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