yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
