Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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