lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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