I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
