I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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