I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
