HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
