No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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