btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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