i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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