Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
