I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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