I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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