My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
