Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize