Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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