I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
