Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
