So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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