Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
