True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
