we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
