We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize