he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
