Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
