she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
