He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
