weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
