So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he thought i was a dude.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
