Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She swung at the pinata with crutches
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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