I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Randomize
