my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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