I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
