Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
