Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
This is the high leading the old right now
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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