I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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