Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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