dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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